Whoops he did it again


THE PENTAGON – U.S. military officials are scrambling to explain how Eric Fibberlips, son of U.S. President D.J. Fibberlips, learned about the nation’s secret stockpile of whoop ass.

The younger Fibberlips made reference to the highly classified weapon while playing Nintendo on New Year’s Eve. “Bout to open up a big ol’ can of whoop ass,” he tweeted amid the deployment of thousands of soldiers to the Middle East.

As a signatory to the Whoop Ass Test Ban Treaty, the U.S. officially denied the insinuation that it maintains a stockpile of whoop ass. The tweet was deleted shortly after it appeared.

“We do not have it in a box, we do not have it under lock, we do not have it here or there, we do not have it anywhere,” said a Pentagon spokesman.

Despite the denial, a highly placed source known as Deep State Throat said the stockpile does exist and that Fibberlips told his son about “the big ol’ cans” while tucking him into bed.

“This a serious breach of national security,” Deep State Throat said. “We can only hope that Fibberlips didn’t tell Eric about our other secret weapons — bottles of neener-neener, barrels of nanny-nanny-boo-boo and crates of I’m-rubber-you’re-glue.”

Brad Broberg


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