WASHINGTON, D.C. – Weeks after President D.J. Fibberlips tweeted a photo of himself without the fat suit he normally wears, the world continues to wonder the purpose behind the captionless photo.
Some say the picture was intended to prove the president is in good health after a mysterious visit to Walter Reed National Medical Center. However, sources inside the Pentagon say the picture was meant to address the growing beefcake gap between the U.S. and Russia
“Vladimir Putin’s repeated posting of shirtless photographs cannot go unchallenged,” said one official. “Last week the commander-in-chief responded decisively to these pectoral provocations. Not only did the president show his six-pack, he asked Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-The State of Denial) to shave and oil his chest to make sure the Russians know we mean business.”
While many Americans are applauding the president’s response, others wonder where this titillating display will lead. “It’s a nippily, I mean slippery, slope,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D- Devil in a Blue Dress) “First no shirt. Then what? We must sign a trouser treaty before it’s too late.”