Sorry, honey

TBTBR NEWSROOM – A recent study found that one-third of Americans would give up sex for a year in exchange for having a better body. A poll by The Better Than Borowitz Report found that roughly half of all Americans also would give up sex for a better president.

Nearly 90% of Democrats said they would be willing to stop knocking boots if it meant removing President D.J. Fibberlips from the White House. However, respondents indicated that the identity of his replacement would determine the duration of their dry spell – one month for Joe Biden, one week for Bernie Sanders and one day for Elizabeth Warren. Respondents also were influenced by the assumption that the Bill Clinton definition of sex would apply.

Nearly 90% of Republicans also said they would forgo sex, but only if it meant keeping Fibberlips in the White House. When asked to explain their answer, most Republicans checked the “nothing to lose” box or said sex with themselves shouldn’t count.

Brad Broberg


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