NOT THE NEWSROOM – President D.J. Fibberlips continued his ongoing salute to the United States military by assuring the American people no U.S. forces were injured in Iran’s retaliatory missile strike on a U.S. base in Iraq and then saying any injuries weren’t serious despite the fact that 34 soldiers were being treated for traumatic brain injuries.
Filled with deep patriotism forged by dodging the draft due to bone spurs, Fibberlips has openly expressed his level of respect for the military in any number of ways throughout his presidency.
“What other president would have the courage to park tanks on the National Mall, pardon a convicted war criminal and call a traumatic brain injury what it really is – a headache?” the president said in an interview with Sean Hannity of Fox News. “Only Fibberlips.”
Chided by Hannity for once again being too modest about his achievements, Fibberlips went on to share other examples of his true feelings about the military, including the times when he:
Questioned the late Sen. John McCain’s legacy as a war hero because he was a POW.
Claimed he knew more about fighting ISIS than any general.
Described his brave fight to avoid sexually transmitted diseases as “my personal Vietnam” while also saying it made him “feel like a great and very brave soldier.”
Prodded by Hannity to continue, the president recalled additional examples:
Labeling former Secretary of Defense Gen.James Mattis “the world’s most overrated general.
Skipping a ceremony in Paris honoring World War I dead because of rain and traffic
Using a Memorial Day speech to boast about the economy.
Telling a gathering of the nation’s top military leaders, “I wouldn’t go to war with you people… you’re a bunch of dopes and babies.”