George Washington @ First POTUS
Once again we make history, gentlemen … and President Fibberlips. Five dead presidents tweeting on President’s Day. #extraordinary
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
I’m not dead yet. I was impeached, but I’m still alive and tweeting. #totallyundead
Thomas Jefferson @ Smartest POTUS
Yes, but can you keep it up? #magic8ballsaysverydoubtful
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
Hey old man. You’re, like, what, 300 years old? Can you keep it up? #ifsoseekimmediatemedicalattention
Theodore Roosevelt @ Toughest POTUS
Why do you answer a question with another question? #bethedoesntknow
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
I don’t know. I typically blame Obama or change the subject. #tohillary
Abraham Lincoln @ Greatest POTUS
Chillax, Donald. We’re here to help. You’ll always be the crookedest president ever, but you could close the gap with Nixon if you’d just, ahem, shut the bleep up. #evenwilliambarrsaysso
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
Zip it and get a back wax, Abrahairy. #lindseydoesanexcellentjob
George Washington @ First POTUS
Show some respect! My friends on Mount Rushmore and I are the first, smartest, toughest and greatest presidents. #setinstone
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
GW first POTUS? Maybe. I’ll have to look that up. TJ smartest? Show me the IQ test. TR toughest? Try dealing with bone spurs while avoiding the clap. Then we’ll talk. Abe greatest? UNDERACHIEVER. #couldntevenfinish2terms
Abraham Lincoln @ Greatest POTUS
Underachiever? I saved the union, freed the slaves & wrote the Gettysburg Address. #justsayin’
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
Awww, does little Abe need a juice box? #andaparticipationtrophy?
George Washington @ First POTUS
I won the Revolutionary War. #withfalseteeth
Theodore Roosevelt @ Toughest POTUS
I led the Rough Riders. #mypuckerholeisstillcrazysore
Thomas Jefferson @ Smartest POTUS
I wrote the Declaration of Independence & negotiated the Louisiana Purchase. #ucouldn’tevenbuygreenland
Theodore Roosevelt @ Toughest POTUS
And we did it all without Sharpies. #orspraytan
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
Liars! If you think you’re safe because you’re a so-called national memorial, you haven’t been paying attention. #dontmakemefracu
George Washington @ First POTUS
Focus, Donald! We know how to make America great because we did. The only thing you’ve made great so far are SNL’s ratings. #thejokeswritethemselves
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
Check the job reports. I’m the greatest job producer God ever created. You know it. I know it. He knows it. #everycomedianfullyemployed
Abraham Lincoln @ Greatest Potus
Quit bragging and start governing. #orletjavankadoit
President Fibberlips @ POTUS
I don’t want to govern & you can’t make me. So there. I just want to pay Putin back. #4moreyears
George Washington @ First POTUS
I say this as an expert on the subject. You, sir, are revolting. #evenberniewouldbebetter
President ibberlips @ POTUS
NOT! NOT! NOT! NOT! NOT! Furthermore, you are not the father of our country, George. That would be Jim Bob Duggar. #doesthemaneversleep?
The Better Than Borowitz Report 