BREAKING NOT NEWS — A missing snakes bulletin has been issued for all Fox News employees.
Authorities have narrowed the search area to a park in Florida. Details to follow as they become available.
Wait. This just in. Authorities have located Chris Wallace at his desk doing his job.
“I believe Bret Baier and Brit Hume may also still be in the building,” Wallace said, “but I can report with certainty that everybody else slithered out of here in a big hurry.”
The Better Than Borowitz Report 