NOT THE NEWSROOM – President D.J, Fibberlips continued his pardonpalooza by absolving the Houston Astros baseball team of using electronics to steal the signs of opposing teams on their way to the World Series.
Although not even U.S. Enabler General William Barr could concoct a legal basis for the president’s action, Fibberlips insisted that as the nation’s chief law enforcement officer – a title he awarded himself amid his pardon binge – he has every right to regulate the national pastime.
“I know cheating. Everybody says so. And the Astros didn’t cheat,” Fibberlips said. “They just abused the rules. It’s like losing so much money you don’t have to pay taxes. That makes them smart.”