NOT THE NEWSROOM – Scientists believe they may have found a genetic basis for the failure of Paul Ryan to so much as bat an eye at the behavior of President D.J. Fibberlips since Ryan stepped down as Speaker of the House more than a year ago.
Using a sample of Ryan’s DNA obtained from a cheese wheel he surreptitiously licked at the Wisconsin State Fair, scientists determined that Ryan shares certain genes with a European cave salamander that didn’t move for seven years.
In Ryan’s case, the genes have rendered the Republican unable to speak, tweet or twitch in response to the takeover of the GOP by Fibberlips.
The sedentary salamander belongs to a species of feckless amphibians known as olms. “They are hanging around, doing almost nothing,” lead scientist Gergely Balázs told The New Scientist.
Ryan, once thought to be the kind of principled conservative who would call out Fibberlips for his lies, hate and corruption, belongs to a species of feckless Republicans known as enablers. “They are hanging around, doing almost nothing,” lead scientist Gergely Balázs did not tell The New Scientist but certainly could have.
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