Smells like, sniff, scared turtle

BREAKING NOT NEWS – The Environmental Protection Agency – or what remains of it after being disobamacized over the last three years – has identified the origin of a curious but not entirely unpleasant odor that began wafting across the country this week.

First noticed in Washington, D.C. — the source of many curious odors – the strange smell was found to match the scent released by turtles when they are scared. Mustering all of its remaining resources, the EPA assigned its last remaining expert on smelly stuff – the guy who cleans the headquarters restrooms – to conduct a Google search of scared turtles, curious odors and Washington, D.C.

The first five pages of search results all included pictures of Sen. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

Brad Broberg

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