A ballsy request

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BREAKING NOT NEWS – The Better Than Borowitz Report has learned that the Joe Biden campaign has reached out to New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo about his interest in becoming Biden’s running mate, but under one condition.

Cuomo, whose popularity has surged amid his steady leadership during the coronavirus crisis, must undergo a sex change operation to fulfill Biden’s premature and pandering commitment to select a female vice president.

“We know it’s a ballsy request, but we’re prepared to make the transition as easy as possible for the governor,” said a spokesperson for the Biden campaign. “We created a list of possible new names – Amber, Anatonia, LaFawnDa – and booked him a standing waxing appointment. Plus Hillary Clinton has agreed to lend the governor her complete collection of pant suits – although he’ll have to take them in at the hips.”

Cuomo’s office declined comment. However, he is rumored to have told friends that he might be willing to dress in drag, but his twig and berries are “not negotiable.”

Brad Broberg

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