BREAKING NOT NEWS – We interrupt whatever you’re not doing to bring you live coverage from the White House.
The president’s new press secretary Kayleigh McEnany – Fourth of Her Kind, Breaker of Balls, Khalessi of the Clorox Sea, Mother of Mistruth — is briefing reporters on what she has called the “refreshing” difference between the leadership of President Fibberlips and the “awful presidency” of Barrack Obama.
Going live in three … two … one …
Hello everybody. I’m here today to once again contrast the record of President Fibberlips with the record of Barrack Obama. As you are no doubt aware, demeaning Obama is this administration’s number one priority – besides finding Jared a job he’s actually good at.
Today I want to call your attention to the president’s recent tweet about a murderous dictator who continually threatens us with nuclear war.
I am referring, of course, to Little Rocket Man. Imagine, if you can, Barrack Obama tweeting this about Little Rocket Man’s apparent recovery from a mystery illness:
“I, for one, am glad to see he is back, and well!”
I, for one, is right! Only one set of stubby thumbs could have produced that tweet. And they belong to President Fibberlips.
Did you see all those commas? This president is not afraid to punctuate. And oh my god! Isn’t that a nice change?
Be honest. It’s impossible to imagine Obama sending that tweet – or being bold enough to use three commas. And how disappointing is that?
Here’s another incomparable tweet from President Fibberlips:
“I appreciate the message from former President Bush, but where was he during Impeachment calling for putting partisanship aside. He was nowhere to be found in speaking up against the greatest Hoax in American history!”
I ask you. Who else but President Fibberlips would respond to a call for national unity from a former president– delivered just when the country needs it most – by grinding a personal political axe? Obama? Goodness gracious no. And isn’t that sad?
We can all thank our lucky stars – and Vladimir Putin – we finally have a president who calls names and grinds axe!