BREAKING NOT NEWS – After learning that the state of Washington trapped its first murder hornet, President Fibberlips authorized Dr. Stella Immanuel of America’s Frontline Doctors to develop an antivenom derived from demon sperm.
“I call upon all Americans who get freaky with demons — straight, gay, trans or bipartisan — to submit the. uh, evidence to Dr. Immanuel immediately,” Fibberlips said. “Every drop counts. Strongly. And the dribbles. People forget about the dribbles. Never forget about the dribbles. Very important the dribbles. Let me also say this. If you can get your hands on some alien DNA, send that, too.”
Asked for his reaction to using demon sperm as an antivenom, an exasperated Dr. Anthony Fauci just shrugged. “Makes about as much sense as using hydroxy to treat COVID or leeches to treat ED, but you try telling the president that.”
The Better Than Borowitz Report 