Hello. Stephen Miller here.
Yes, Mr. President. I miss it, too. But I’ve been advised not to say heil anymore.
Nope. Can’t wear the armband either Damn cancel culture.
No. No. You’re right, Goodyear definitely asked for it. So, anyway, how can I help?
Your acceptance speech? Almost finished.
It sure is. You can practically smell the tear gas. Dark. Distorted, Dystopian. A meat loaf of fear and anger served just the way of you like it – smothered in confederate sauce with a side of deep state conspiracy theory. Anti-immigrant. Anti-environment. Anti-NASCAR. Anti …
No. It’s not anti-everything. It’s pro-gun, pro-golf and pro-Goya.
Sure. I can say some kind words about Putin. I can add an entire murderous dictator appreciation section. Even carve out some space for Mohammed bin Salman.
Yes. VERY kind words about Putin.
Absolutely. You’ll be able to drink tea in the Kremlin without a second thought.
You also want to me to do what? Quote a poet? Why?
I know he did. Hope and history rhyme. Blah. Blah, Blah. But you’re not Joe Biden.
No. No. I didn’t mean it that way. Uh …
A Greek poet you say? OK. Anyone in mind?
Diverticulitis? Ummm, sir, I don’t think …
Nope. No Roman poets by that name, either.
Glad you changed your mind. An American poet is a much better choice. Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson …
Huh? You want the guy who wrote what?
Um, sure, I mean, yeah, it’s been a long time, but I …
You’re the boss. I’ll get right on it. And just so you know. His name is Dr. Seuss.