BREAKING NOT NEWS – As the Commission on Presidential Debates considers tweaking the format for the next meeting between President Fibberlips and challenger Joe Biden, the president is also urging changes after calling Tuesday’s showdown “a total disaster.”
“My people tell me it was a big disgrace. Big disgrace. And my people know disgrace. Very familiar with disgrace my people. More familiar than anybody. Even fake news agrees with that,” Fibberlips said.
While the president’s performance resembled an overdosed orangutan beating his chest and throwing poop all over the room, Fibberlips took “no responsibility” for the need to change the format after Tuesday’s fecal fiasco.
“This isn’t about me acting like a toddler with a bigly full diaper. That’s not news. We need to change the format because we need better TV ratings,” Fibberlips said. “Very important the ratings. The minute I’m re-elected – and even if I’m not – I will sign an executive order requiring all future presidential elections to be decided by TV ratings.”
Tuesday’s debate attracted just 29 million viewers compared to the 43 million who watched the first 2016 presidential debate between Fibberlips and Hillary Clinton.
“Not my fault,” Fibberlips said. “Nothing ever is. Never. Ever. Not. The ratings disaster was Sleepy Joe’s fault. What a stiff that guy. If I had a dollar for every time he said, ‘Here’s the deal,’ I could finally repay Pootie.”
While the commission wants to make the next debate more orderly, Fibberlips wants to give it more sex appeal by replacing Biden with his daughter, Ivanka
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