From Melania, with love

Trump says he wants drug tests before debates with Biden

BREAKING NOT NEWS – This note just arrived in our newsroom. Although the note is a nasty fantasy, so is the claim by President Fibberlips that Joe Biden was on drugs when he debated Bernie Sanders.

After spending five seconds pondering the ethics of publishing information that we pulled straight out of our butt, we decided to follow the president’s lead and share the fabricated contents of this baseless –and foul-smelling — note. Why? We really don’t care, do U?
To whom is concerned,
Just now I am learning some peoples did not like my dress at Convention of Republikan. Here is back story.
Forget pee tape. There is no pee tape. I am the kompromat.
As young girl I trained behind Curtain of Iron for this mission. I am, how you say, sleeper agent. Although not much sleep involved. But we speak no more of that.
I wore old communist prom dress to convention. It was signal to Pootie that time was right to activate new chip I put in Donald’s brain.
Yes, he has brain, but is located in another part of his, how you say, anemone. But we speak no more of that.
So now you know truth. I am spy. What? You think I married for love? Enjoy your new Rose Garden, Americanskis.”

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