BREAKING NOT NEWS — President Fibberlips was rushed to Walter Reed Medical Center early this morning for undisclosed reasons.
White House Spokesbarbie Kayleigh McEnany refused to confirm or deny that she could neither deny nor confirm reports the hospital confirmed it denied the president was admitted. However, an anonymous source inside Walter Reed said Fibberllps arrived on a flatbed truck at about 4 a.m.
An eyewitness said that shortly after the truck pulled up, a helicopter arrived, hovering over the hospital as several men slid down ropes, pulled on rubber gloves and rushed inside.
“That was our A Team,” explained the anonymous hospital source. “Crack proctologists. The best of the best. An elite rectal strike force. We only call them for very serious cases involving very important people. That would include the president. Theoretically.”
The source said the A Team immediately declared a Code Brown. “That’s hospitalese for extracting a large object that has been shoved up someone’s ass,” he said.