Curb your filibuster

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BREAKING NOT NEWS – Comedian Larry David caught the first flight to Washington, D.C. after Sen. Bernie Sanders announced he will filibuster the National Defense Authorization Act in order to force a Senate vote on $2,000 stimulus checks.

David, known for his uncanny impersonation of Sanders on Saturday Night Live, said he will fill in for the senator whenever he needs a nap, a potty break or starts quoting Karl Marx.

“I’m a Bernie Bro, but gimme a break!” David said. “Bernie is old. The man probably can’t remember the last time his stimulus was checked. You can’t expect him to maintain a filibuster for days on end. Wouldn’t be safe even if he could. Happened to me once. Had to see my doctor.”

David said that filling in while Sanders rests will provide a welcome opportunity to try out new material. “People say I’m a better Bernie Sanders than Bernie Sanders. But guess what? It’s the other way around,” David said.

“What? That’s not disrespectful! I love the man like a brother – the one I’m glad I never had. Listen. I’m not here to bust any part of his wrinkled anatomy. But let’s face it. There is way Bernie can keep it up – I’m referring here to the filibuster – without a hand.”

Brad Broberg

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