Three insurrectionists walk into a bar.
Bartender “Hey boys. Nice costumes, but Halloween is like 10 months away.”
Trumpie 1: “These aren’t costumes. They are the armor of God!“
Bsartnder: “OK. Good to know. Where you from? Wait. Let me guess. Mom’s basement?”
Trumpie 2: “We’re from Nunya.”
Bartender: “Huh?”
Trumpie 2 ”Nunya Bizness. “
Trumpie 3: “Hahaha. Good one, Wade.”
Trumpie 2: “Damn it, Vernon, Quit blabbin’ my name. We’re wanted men.”
Trumpie 3: “Well, seein’ as how you been wearin’ your employee badge all day … “
Trumpie 2: “You gotta be kiddin’! Even when I smeared my own feces on the wall?”
Trumpie 3: “Yup. By the way. What on earth did you eat last night?”
Bartender: “Aha! You’re those wing nuts from the coup – or as I like to call it Treasonstock. I must say you look every bit as ignorant in person as on TV.”
Trumpie 2: “You forgot dangerous and demented. I still got all my zip ties, purty boy. I have half a mind – I’m not bragging, I really do – to truss you up like a Thanksgiving turkey and let old Vernon here …“
Bartender: “Whoooa. Let’s hold that thought. Hey. Who put Dueling Banjos on the juke box?”
Trumpie 3: “ That’s my ring tone. Hello? Dang it, momma. I asked you not to call me when I’m freedoming with my friends. No. I did not wet the bed. Again. I’m gonna wear those sheets. OK. OK. Goodbye. Sorry, guys. Gotta go. Momma says I have to do laundry right now or she’s gonna kick me out.”
Bartender: “I hear Dixie.”
Trumpie 2: “Hello. Dang it, momma. I asked you not to call me when I’m patrioting with my friends. What’s that? My boss called? Said he couldn’t get a hold of me? Guess they was shoutin’, ‘Hang Mike Pence,’ so loud I missed it. I’m fired? They can’t do that! I been workin’ the drive-up for 10 years. OK. OK. Yeah. I know. Crunchy Gorditas. Extra Ranchero Sauce. Sorry, guys. Gotta go. I got to get me a job at another Taco Bell right now or momma’s gonna kick me out.”
Bartender: “Is that Yellow Rose of Texas? I wouldn’t answer it if I were you. Bound to be bad news.”
Trumpie 1: “Hello. Dang it, momma. I asked you not to call me when I’m doin’ treason with my friends What’s that? Some guys in suits are at the door? They want to talk to me about my future? They might make you an accessory ,but they need to talk to me first? That’s wonderful, momma! Yes. I’’ll come home right now. You deserve some new jewelry.”
The Better Than Borowitz Report 