Have you ever …
1) Made a Molotov cocktail?
2)Marched with a violent mob?
3) Waved a confederate flag?
4) Brought a pitchfork to a political rally?
5) Broken into the U.S. Capitol Building?
6) Flew in a private jet to join an insurrection?
7) Taken a selfie that led to your arrest?
8) Smeared your feces on a wall?
9) Assaulted a police officer with a taser, flag pole , bear spray or fire extinguisher?
10) Stalked members of Congress with zip ties in your hands?
11) Scrawled, “Murder the media,” on a door?
12) Stole a laptop from the Speaker of the House and tried to sell it to Russia?
13) Built a gallows on the National Mall?
14) Chanted your desire to hang the vice president?
15) Sought a pardon for any those activities because you were “caught up in the moment?”
16) Demanded – and received – organic food in jail?
17) Blamed everything on Antifa and BLM?
18) Changed the channel from Fox News to OAN?
19) Quoted Sidney Powell?
20) Voted twice for Donald Trump?
If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, seek immediate help. You may belong to a cult.
The Better Than Borowitz Report 