
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
Welcome to The Better Than Borowitz Report. Home to original and shared political/cultural satire. Inspired by the brilliant Andy Borowitz from The New Yorker magazine. Written and edited by the trying hard to be brilliant Brad Broberg.
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
Hi everybody,
Just wanted to give a shout out to all the folks back home who were unable to join us in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 6.
Holy coup! I mean cow. What a day!
The president promised it would be wild and, goodness gracious, he sure knows how to keep his promises! We were truly blessed to be there!
Big crowds usually make me nervous, but we were wearing the armor of God – a.k.a. MAGA hats – so we felt no fear.
Not when we walked past a gallows. Not when we heard the crash of broken glass. And not when some well-meaning but over-caffeinated patriots expressed their extreme displeasure with the vice president.
No. We didn’t feel any fear. Just pride in celebrating our rights as entitled white Americans – mainly the right to march on Congress with a violent mob whipped into a frenzy by a deranged demagogue. All followed by dinner at Cracker Barrel. Good times!
I know what the media has been saying, but hey, police officers, firefighters, veterans and elected officials were all part of the mob, so how threatening could it be? It wasn’t like we were wearing pink pussy hats or anything like that.
One other thing. If anybody says Antifa was involved, I will hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher. All the credit goes to people like us – Trump supporters.
Sadly we never got inside. We heard the self-guided tours were a hoot! Some people even got to play tag with a Capitol Police Officer. Does that sound like an insurrection to you? I don’t think so!!!
God bless President Trump. And God bless the U.S.A. In that order.
Signed,
Karen McMurcan
P.S. Not long after returning home, we were all diagnosed with COVID. I just don’t understand how that could happen.
Brad Broberg
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
The year 2020 was no joke, but Rudy Giuliani was. At a time when we all needed a good laugh, Rudy delivered. With apologies to Fred Astaire, this is dedicated to the unforgettable Rudolph William Louis Giuliani.Happy New Year!
THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME
The way you suck in court The way you cut the cheese The memory of all that No, no. They can't take that away from me The way your shirt pops out The way your hands roam south A pervy move no doubt No, no. They can’t take that away from me The way you met the press At the landscape business And your wingnut witness No, no, they can't take that away from me No, they can't take that away from me The way you sprang a leak The way it stained your cheek I laughed so hard I peed No, no, they can't take that away from me No, they can't take that away from me Brad Broberg
TBTBR MEME MACHINE
BREAKING NOT NEWS – Comedian Larry David caught the first flight to Washington, D.C. after Sen. Bernie Sanders announced he will filibuster the National Defense Authorization Act in order to force a Senate vote on $2,000 stimulus checks.
David, known for his uncanny impersonation of Sanders on Saturday Night Live, said he will fill in for the senator whenever he needs a nap, a potty break or starts quoting Karl Marx.
“I’m a Bernie Bro, but gimme a break!” David said. “Bernie is old. The man probably can’t remember the last time his stimulus was checked. You can’t expect him to maintain a filibuster for days on end. Wouldn’t be safe even if he could. Happened to me once. Had to see my doctor.”
David said that filling in while Sanders rests will provide a welcome opportunity to try out new material. “People say I’m a better Bernie Sanders than Bernie Sanders. But guess what? It’s the other way around,” David said.
“What? That’s not disrespectful! I love the man like a brother – the one I’m glad I never had. Listen. I’m not here to bust any part of his wrinkled anatomy. But let’s face it. There is way Bernie can keep it up – I’m referring here to the filibuster – without a hand.”