Postcard from over the edge

Hi everybody,

Just wanted to give a shout out to all the folks back home who were unable to join us in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 6.

Holy coup! I mean cow. What a day!

The president promised it would be wild and, goodness gracious, he sure knows how to keep his promises! We were truly blessed to be there!

Big crowds usually make me nervous, but we were wearing the armor of God – a.k.a. MAGA hats – so we felt no fear.

Not when we walked past a gallows. Not when we heard the crash of broken glass. And not when some well-meaning but over-caffeinated patriots expressed their extreme displeasure with the vice president.

No. We didn’t feel any fear. Just pride in celebrating our rights as entitled white Americans – mainly the right to march on Congress with a violent mob whipped into a frenzy by a deranged demagogue. All followed by dinner at Cracker Barrel. Good times!

I know what the media has been saying, but hey, police officers, firefighters, veterans and elected officials were all part of the mob, so how threatening could it be? It wasn’t like we were wearing pink pussy hats or anything like that.

One other thing. If anybody says Antifa was involved, I will hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher. All the credit goes to people like us – Trump supporters.

Sadly we never got inside. We heard the self-guided tours were a hoot! Some people even got to play tag with a Capitol Police Officer. Does that sound like an insurrection to you? I don’t think so!!!

God bless President Trump. And God bless the U.S.A. In that order.

Signed,

Karen McMurcan

P.S. Not long after returning home, we were all diagnosed with COVID. I just don’t understand how that could happen.

Brad Broberg

Ewww, Rudy!

The year 2020 was no joke, but Rudy Giuliani was. At a time when we all needed a good laugh, Rudy delivered. With apologies to Fred Astaire, this is dedicated to the unforgettable Rudolph William Louis Giuliani.Happy New Year!

THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME

The way you suck in court
The way you cut the cheese
The memory of all that
No, no. They can't take that away from me

The way your shirt pops out
The way your hands roam south
A pervy move no doubt
No, no. They can’t take that away from me

The way you met the press
At the landscape business
And your wingnut witness 
No, no, they can't take that away from me
No, they can't take that away from me

The way you sprang a leak
The way it stained your cheek
I laughed so hard I peed
No, no, they can't take that away from me
No, they can't take that away from me

                                                     Brad Broberg

Curb your filibuster

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BREAKING NOT NEWS – Comedian Larry David caught the first flight to Washington, D.C. after Sen. Bernie Sanders announced he will filibuster the National Defense Authorization Act in order to force a Senate vote on $2,000 stimulus checks.

David, known for his uncanny impersonation of Sanders on Saturday Night Live, said he will fill in for the senator whenever he needs a nap, a potty break or starts quoting Karl Marx.

“I’m a Bernie Bro, but gimme a break!” David said. “Bernie is old. The man probably can’t remember the last time his stimulus was checked. You can’t expect him to maintain a filibuster for days on end. Wouldn’t be safe even if he could. Happened to me once. Had to see my doctor.”

David said that filling in while Sanders rests will provide a welcome opportunity to try out new material. “People say I’m a better Bernie Sanders than Bernie Sanders. But guess what? It’s the other way around,” David said.

“What? That’s not disrespectful! I love the man like a brother – the one I’m glad I never had. Listen. I’m not here to bust any part of his wrinkled anatomy. But let’s face it. There is way Bernie can keep it up – I’m referring here to the filibuster – without a hand.”

Brad Broberg