WASHINGTON, D.C. – After months of wandering aimlessly through the West Wing of the White House with his hands in his pockets and a sad look on his face, Jared Kushner has regained his swagger – or what passes for swagger in a human mannequin – thanks to a new assignment.
Kushner, son-in-law of President D.J. Fibberlips and a senior advisor to the president, is leading efforts to livestream construction of the border wall between the U.S. and Mexico. “I’ve never seen him so happy,” said one source. “And he looks so sharp in his hard hat and orange vest “
Kusnher had been heartbroken ever since Fibberlips told him he could no longer play with his best friend, Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, after the prince’s operatives murdered and dismembered dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
“Jared was inconsolable after Fibberlips told him he had to cut sever with the prince,” said the source. “They shared a passion for corruption and loved playing Risk together, although they fought like crazy over who would control Kamchatka.”
While critics contend that livestreaming wall construction is nothing more than a ruse to distract people from watching the impeachment hearings, the White House is pitching it as an informative alternative to watching grass grow and paint dry.
“We’re calling it ‘This Beautiful Wall’ and are negotiating with Bob Vila to host it,” an excited Kushner announced at a press conference. “Spoiler alert: expect a certain someone to drop in every so often and fire somebody.”
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