The Better Than Borowitz Report

TBTBR MEME MACHINE

TBTBR MEME MACHINE

SUPPRESSIN’ THE VOTE

Makin’ a killin’ with insider trades  
Kelly and David playin’ the game
They could care less if anyone else stays afloat
  
Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

KKK Kelly is scared of what’s comin’
She knows black folks to the polls are all runnin’
Republicans sue and the judges keep sayin’ nope

Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Crooks those two
Nuthin’ they won’t do
Georgia can’t go blue 
Trump’s turnin’ the screw

Suppressin’ the vote
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Providin’ no proof they won’t accept Biden
Is there no end to their lyin’ and cryin’
They’ll hang themselves if we just give them plenty of rope

Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Suppressin’ the vote 
(Suppressin’ the vote)

Crooks these two
Loeffler and Perdue
Stacy’s callin’ the tune
It’s lookin’ like high noon

Can’t stop the vote
(Can’t stop the vote)

Can’t stop the  vote
(Can’t stop the vote)

TBTBR MEME MACHINE

TBTBR MEME MACHINE

JUST LISTED — Looking for a getaway where you can dig your toes – and head – into the sand?

Announcing multiple opportunities to escape reality in a private – and getting more private by the minute —  setting formerly occupied by the likes of the Senate Majority Leader, the U.S. Attorney General and a mummified televangelist.

Yes, we’re talking about Trump Island, where seclusion and delusion combine to create a paranoid paradise.

Hunt kraken. Eat hamberders. Drink as many Giuliani Sours as you like. Don’t worry. Check the label. Zero proof.

Breathe deep. That’s the smell of fact-free air.

Don’t wait! Time is running out to swap conspiracy theories with the island’s indigenous population of crackpot lawyers before they’re disbarred.

Who knows? You might even get to join a coup!

Grab your tinfoil hat and see for yourself. Flights depart the real world every hour. However, due to the volume of people currently leaving the island, expect a long delay if you want to return.

Trump Island. Come for the covfefe. Stay for the convictions.

Brad Broberg

In this time of COVID and The Mad King, everyone needs someone to provide perspective. If you’re lucky, they also make you laugh. Thanks, honey!

Me: MAGA is a cult.

Her: The world is full of cults.

Me : But their leaders don’t control the nuclear codes.

Her: They’ll change the codes.

Brad Broberg

TBTBR MEME MACHINE

STOP! YOU DON’T’ HAVE A CASE

NOT BREAKING NEWS — A man who was pronounced dead after overdosing on Funyuns at last week’s President Fibberlips rally miraculously came back to life while being transported to the mortuary.

The man, Earl J. Scratchpitts, told reporters that he spoke with God during a brief stay in the sweet by and by.

“He’s a nice enough feller,” Scratchpitts said. “Not scary or nuthin’. His son seems like good people, too.”

After telling God how and where he “died,” Scratchpitts said he pressed the Almighty for the truth about the presidential election.

“I told him there is no way that Fibberlips lost that election. The Democrats stole it,” Scratchpitts said. “Then I asked him for the God’s honest truth because, hell, if you can’t get the God’s honest truth from God, where are you supposed to get it?”

Scratchpitts then let out a long sigh. “You know what God said? He said the results are obvious. Joe Biden won. By a lot.”

When asked for his reaction to God’s response, Scratchpitts paused. “Well,” he finally said, “there ain’t nuthin’ to say but, damn, this thing goes right to the top.”

Brad Broberg